So forget online-only, not-for-profit, paid online content, subscriptions, free dailies and all those other ideas currently being flung at the ailing printed press. Bill Shein has had enough of them and the result is a whole new - and frankly a whole lot more fun - list of suggestions to put newspapers back on track.
That age-old problem of inky fingers after flicking through the morning news, he asks? Easily solved with flavoured ink, a suggestion similar to Jon Stewart's narcotic newsprint. Or why not take it a step further with entirely edible pages. A martini flavoured Bond review, or a football game report that tastes of hot-dog. To make sure readers buy the following day's edition is easy: just don't tell them what happens at the end of a story. 'Who Shot JR?' style mysteries.
With these suggestions newspapers would taste better and contain cliff-hanging content, so how to make them look better is the next step. The answer is simple apparently; front page nudity. Print half of all daily editions with 'Page One Girls', and the other half with 'Page One Guys'. Then turn paperboys into full-scale concierges who deliver direct to your bed and also provide breakfast. Finally, add mind-reading Web 2.0 products to find out what online readers want and complete consolidation of publications - so that there would be no option but to read. Follow these simple steps and the perfect newspaper is born, Shein concludes.
Source: Editor & Publisher